Wow.....just wow.....

Work has been extremely busy lately. I don't know if this is a test of how organized I actually am or if my prioritization skills needed some honing. I just know that it has been the most difficult part of this year. Being a nurse has changed dramatically over the years. Assessment. Implementation. Goal. I am sure I am leaving something out. At this stage of my career, I give myself and good pat on the back for remembering that much. These days, I just want to do what is required of me....but not only that. I want to do it with excellence. There are enough folks who do just what is necessary to get the job done. I believe the word might be slacker.  Although I do not use Wikipedia much due to the ability of others coming along and changing the information there online, Wikipedia on answers.com had something which seemed to emulate what being a slacker is all about:

"A slacker is a person who habitually avoids work or lacks work ethic. Slackers may be regarded as belonging to an antimaterialistic counterculture, though in some cases their behavior may be due to other causes (apathy, depression, laziness, etc.). (http://www.answers.com/topic/slacker)

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines slacker as : "one who deliberately avoids work or duty <there will be no slackers tolerated in this group—anyone who doesn't do their share will get booted out>" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/slacker)

During last year when all was going chaotic in my life and the life of my family, I was a bit of a slacker nurse. This concerns me because I look at what I do, as a nurse, as a service to my community. Yes, it is my job. But it is also what I do to reach out to the children and families within the Inland Empire. Families even bring their children to  Loma Linda because of the services we offer. Being a nurse is a calling and it definitely is not for everyone. 

I am positive that I allowed our circumstances get the best of me last year. I cannot and will not allow that to happen. Although I am quite tired these days, I know that I need to do what I need to do to take care of me. I have lives depending on me. I need to be quick on my feet, knowledgeable, alert, compassionate, understanding, helpful plus a whole other list of things which include being a mediator towards of parents who are unable or unwilling to behave at least civilly around their children. What makes this all eventually work out is once again, me taking care of me. When I don't take care of me, something internally changes and I don't seem to care. When I don't seem to care, that is where the problem lies. No one can make me care. I am the only one who can change this....that's the plain and simple fact.

Truth be known: I DO care. I care a whole lot. I can't hold onto that stale, empty excuse: "I had a bad childhood."  There are so many children who are abused and I am one of the lucky ones who made it. But what does making it mean? Does it mean that I have never suffered pain from the my past? Not by a long shot. I have done what every other person in the same place as myself has done. I have persevered.I have continually clawed myself up out of that pit of hell on earth. There absolutely is nothing that this earth has to offer me that I cannot get from my God. Life kicks me in the teeth; God brings stability back into my life.

I can go on and on here. The point I am trying to make is that we all have choices to make in this life and I choose not to be a slacker in what my calling is. I am not perfect, but I am open and willing to admit when I have missed the mark and when I need to make a change. We serve a God of second chances!

My next thing that I want to do is to get a study package from Joyce Meyer Ministries entitled, "Developing Power Thoughts." I am thinking that this will be something that will be of help to me and I can share it with others. http://www.joycemeyer.org/ProductDetail.aspx?id=O0015133

I need to go to bed......good night all and sweet dreams.
 

Hi all,
I started this blog in October, 2011. Just started it and never did anything with it.  So I will get you all up to date with my life and what has been happening.
I had so much stuff going on in my personal life with finances and such. I look back at 2011 and just sigh. Out of all the years since 2000 began, 2011 was the most hell-filled year. Just to save time, I am going to cut and paste. I am not out to intentionally shock people who may decide to read my blog,but this is what my year looked like for 2012:
 (I have not changed a thing of it-you will read it exactly as I typed it--it my state of beginning depression)
 

Well my year, 2011, in a nutshell……

• January, 2011-my cousin’s husband was in a motorcycle accident and fell 750 feet to his death
• My friend from HS Cindy-her Mom died February 17 after being ill for quiet awhile
• Childhood friend’s mom has been chronically ill and was placed in a facility so she could be cared for sometime before March, 2011.
• Her friend’s mom had a boyfriend who came to see her mom. When he left, he fell and hit his head on the concrete. He died a few days later. I think in March, 2011
• My friend’s mom’s only daughter was married----beautiful. That was March 20 th.
• Later my friend’s mom died. I could not get ANYONE to work for me. I heard along the grapevine that I should have called off sick. I should have.
• May, 2011. I was renewing my PALS and CPR card. At the end I got a text from my brother telling me that his oldest daughter )my niece Angelina) was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor and did I know what that was.
• Later my Mom tells me that brother called her crying because his daughter has cancer (same niece)
• My niece Angelina had her kidney removed and part of her liver. I later hear from my Mom that my brother called and says that the stupid Pediatric Oncologist tells my brother that he needs to fork over $20,000 or treatment will be discontinued. Great. Really great. So, they removed the affected organs and then due to lack of funding on the part of my brother, they will stop treatment.

I am getting really angry.

I have had enough.

• My cousin Melissa had surgery for nasal polyps. She is in pain for 10 days thinking that it is from surgery (I am guessing). She was taken into Kaiser where she was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. I can’t remember what month it was but I do know it was this year. 2011.

Melissa recovers and is scared to death as is her husband and sons (co-incidently her youngest, Jordan is still in treatment for T-cell leukemia). She made the decision to go back and have another brain surgery after the “coil that was holding the aneurysm behind her right eye came undone. The neurosurgeon said it was 3 cm.” The aneurysm now has a clip at each end to hold it into place.

• We have begun the process of bankruptcy. Husband has been in his line of work and it is actually picking up. God has heard  my prayer for favor on his job.
• I have been going to school part time since Fall, 2006.
• Is it a wonder why I am so, uptight, freaked out and depressed? Ummmm….no. But I will get help for myself. I am a nurse and not just any nurse. I am on my way to becoming an advanced practice nurse. I just keep things “underwrap” and do my best to look like all is OK. Today is December 4, 2011.  I will take care of me and I will recover. I will not keep stuff buried inside and I will be the nurse that God intended me to be. I am a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. The End.

I know this sounds like near impossible for so much to happen in a year. I wish it didn't happen-but it did and that was the reality of my life. I am grateful for my husband, Phil who is my strength and a great support. My son Chris is 22 and in the Navy and he is doing well. My younger son Daniel is doing well as a Sophomore in high school. My husband's job is not doing as well as it did last year, yet he doesn't give up.

I guess this is why I never blogged. So much happened as you can plainly see. By December, 2012, I had reached my limit. I took a little over a month long LOA from work. I needed some me time.An extended mental health time if you will. It was bad enough that creditors were harassing us at home but hey were also harassing me at work. Freaking constantly.

I  can say with all sincerity of heart that 2012 has been good. A very good year. God has blessed us greatly in so many ways. First off, for the most part, we have pretty good health. My weight is at a perpetual stand still and has plateaued.  My butt is still what I consider large, but then so is J. Lo's and she's a diva. If a diva can have a big, curvy butt and be happy, so can I. My main issue is headaches and neckaches but that is what my good ole chiropractor is for. And a reflexologist. Just not Big Bubba.

My boys are healthy. Phil is healthy and his BP is under control with 3 medications. I am going to get to my proper weight ASAP. in the mean time, I will love, nourish, care hold in high esteem who I am. It's not "all about me" but I still matter. I love my husband, family and friends. I love being a compassionate registered nurse who has clinical excellence in her skills. I love seeing my patients recover and go home. (hey, can I follow you home?:) I love standing in the gap and consoling a worried parent or caregiver. I like telling them that it is all under God's control and timing and that God has it all under control.

I came back to work knowing that Cherie would not be my boss for long. I had her as my boss for 17 years and I am grateful for the time she was my boss. I now have Jonelle as my boss. She is a great boss. She does things by the book and that's OK by me. I look forward to great things happening under her leadership and guidance.

Did I mention that I love Laura Alba? Her friendship and support has been both helpful and appreciated. She finds the good in me and makes me want to scream and shout, "Yes, I can!" *doing the happy dance in honor of Laura*:)

Now, two wonderfully, spectabulous, tremendous, ground-breaking, earth-shattering things have happened this year. Are-you-ready???????

1. On August 17, 2012, we received the "Certificate of Release of Federal Tax Lien" from the IRS. What this means is the lien (that should not have been so hastily applied to our home and property) has been released. Also known as the "IRS Shall Keep Thar Mitts Off Our House And Property." (I wanted to say "thar" like all my Texas friends:) I had to take a loan on my retirement, but it is worth it. Our house is ours!

2. Our mortgage company is willing to do a HARP (Home Affordable Refinance Program) for us. This means we qualify for a decrease in our monthly mortgage payment--of about $450.00/month! What a blessing!

Well, I need to end this for now. I have been online for ages. I need to get some other stuff done.

This blog is all about my life and what I am doing proactively to not just stay alive and exist, but to live life to the fullest and in abundance! Thank God for his faithfulness!


Psalm 57:9

The Message (MSG)

 ^9-10 I'm thanking you, God, out loud in the streets,
      singing your praises in town and country.
   The deeper your love, the higher it goes;
      every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness. 

 

Blessings,

Lisa