New Beginnings

Hello to everyone!

I hope this finds you all happy and feeling well. I have not posted in awhile so here is a quick update:

I had a great Thanksgiving; I was off before the holiday and the day after Thanksgiving....8 days total! It was nice to be off and do stuff around the house. In my previous posting I had mentioned that I withdrew from LLU. I had applied to three other universities and I guess the third time was a charm and I was granted conditional admission to Walden University. Walden U is a online university and the program is different from what I wanted to be in but in the long haul will still work for me. I am in their Family Nurse Practitioner Program and will start on December 3rd,  2012. I should say that it is partially online at least in the beginning. When it comes time for clinicals, I will be going to those. I am excited for many reasons; first, I was going to wait until about March 2013 to restart. I had been praying on and off that when God wanted me to return back to school that He would let me know and He would make a way. Well, I was speaking with an advisor and she said that because I had previous graduate experience, I was eligible for a $5000.00 grant. I spoke with Phil and we decided that I should go for it. The second reason being that if God wants to make something happen, he will. I am so thankful and grateful for God for this second chance!

I have to work for the next two days, so I am making this short. I just wanted to share this with those who might be interested. 

Blessings,
Lisa

~Colossians 3:16

The Message (MSG)

^15-17 Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Reinventing Me......

Hello everyone! I hope this finds you healthy, happy and blessed. I am doing alright these days but I believe that I am at a point in my life where I feel change is needed. Change is good:) It is painful....but it is sometimes necessary to experience some pain along the way to where you want to go. 

I have had to do some very real and serious introspection regarding where I want to go in my life. This is a good thing for anyone to do as it helps one to make coherent choices and in turn guides our decisions in life. 

I have always tried to be and adult and "suck it up" when I I have needed to. I am tired these days due to my poor choices. Lack of sleep and prioritizing in my life has caused me to be unhappy. Yet, I have this need to help others. I know what I need to do but I can't seem to do it at times. It is a vicious circle which is very painful not only to me but to my family as well.

What to do and what to leave behind and where to go. The answer should be fairly clear cut and "spot on" but I have allowed myself to become scatterbrained by my choices. I have just allowed myself to enjoy being a kid and well, I love Tinkerbell:)

 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) 

⁷ For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline


I have finally gotten my item I ordered from Joyce Meyer Ministries called "Developing Power Choices." Now I have to commit to listening to the CD's and do the personal study guide diligently just like I did when I was in school. For those of you who don't know, I withdrew from the Master's Program at LLU. I only had three choices on what I could do to try and reach my goal of being a Family Psychiatric NP. I chose #3 which was to withdraw and finish up the program elsewhere. My personal life, me as an individual, internally feels like a LOSER with a capital L but I keep reminding myself that I can do anything I devote my heart and soul to do and if God places a desire in your heart, he won't just leave you by the waste side to drown in a pit of despair. 

I need to go to bed. I'd like to do what I said I would do and that is get some real sleep.

Blessings,

Lisa

 

Happy Labor Day....

I hope everyone had a great labor day. Mine was uneventful....I just relaxed and just stared at the pile of papers on my desk and the pile of clothes in our bedroom. My BIL Wes left home on Saturday after a week long visit. We went to Magic Mountain and up to Big Bear and out to eat and just had a good time. It will be back to the grind for all of us.

I need to get more organized around our home which means I need to get more motivated. What does motivation consist of?

Psychology Today states that:

"Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It's the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It's the crucial element in setting and attaining goals—and research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation and self-control. So figure out what you want, power through the pain period, and start being who you want to be."http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/motivation

There is a lot of really good information here. I will read it.....as soon as I get motivated. Right now, I am tired and I need to get some rest.

I will end with this scripture:

Romans 12:1-2
[ Place Your Life Before God ] So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (The Message)

Blessings,
Lisa

Wow.....just wow.....

Work has been extremely busy lately. I don't know if this is a test of how organized I actually am or if my prioritization skills needed some honing. I just know that it has been the most difficult part of this year. Being a nurse has changed dramatically over the years. Assessment. Implementation. Goal. I am sure I am leaving something out. At this stage of my career, I give myself and good pat on the back for remembering that much. These days, I just want to do what is required of me....but not only that. I want to do it with excellence. There are enough folks who do just what is necessary to get the job done. I believe the word might be slacker.  Although I do not use Wikipedia much due to the ability of others coming along and changing the information there online, Wikipedia on answers.com had something which seemed to emulate what being a slacker is all about:

"A slacker is a person who habitually avoids work or lacks work ethic. Slackers may be regarded as belonging to an antimaterialistic counterculture, though in some cases their behavior may be due to other causes (apathy, depression, laziness, etc.). (http://www.answers.com/topic/slacker)

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines slacker as : "one who deliberately avoids work or duty <there will be no slackers tolerated in this group—anyone who doesn't do their share will get booted out>" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/slacker)

During last year when all was going chaotic in my life and the life of my family, I was a bit of a slacker nurse. This concerns me because I look at what I do, as a nurse, as a service to my community. Yes, it is my job. But it is also what I do to reach out to the children and families within the Inland Empire. Families even bring their children to  Loma Linda because of the services we offer. Being a nurse is a calling and it definitely is not for everyone. 

I am positive that I allowed our circumstances get the best of me last year. I cannot and will not allow that to happen. Although I am quite tired these days, I know that I need to do what I need to do to take care of me. I have lives depending on me. I need to be quick on my feet, knowledgeable, alert, compassionate, understanding, helpful plus a whole other list of things which include being a mediator towards of parents who are unable or unwilling to behave at least civilly around their children. What makes this all eventually work out is once again, me taking care of me. When I don't take care of me, something internally changes and I don't seem to care. When I don't seem to care, that is where the problem lies. No one can make me care. I am the only one who can change this....that's the plain and simple fact.

Truth be known: I DO care. I care a whole lot. I can't hold onto that stale, empty excuse: "I had a bad childhood."  There are so many children who are abused and I am one of the lucky ones who made it. But what does making it mean? Does it mean that I have never suffered pain from the my past? Not by a long shot. I have done what every other person in the same place as myself has done. I have persevered.I have continually clawed myself up out of that pit of hell on earth. There absolutely is nothing that this earth has to offer me that I cannot get from my God. Life kicks me in the teeth; God brings stability back into my life.

I can go on and on here. The point I am trying to make is that we all have choices to make in this life and I choose not to be a slacker in what my calling is. I am not perfect, but I am open and willing to admit when I have missed the mark and when I need to make a change. We serve a God of second chances!

My next thing that I want to do is to get a study package from Joyce Meyer Ministries entitled, "Developing Power Thoughts." I am thinking that this will be something that will be of help to me and I can share it with others. http://www.joycemeyer.org/ProductDetail.aspx?id=O0015133

I need to go to bed......good night all and sweet dreams.
 

Hi all,
I started this blog in October, 2011. Just started it and never did anything with it.  So I will get you all up to date with my life and what has been happening.
I had so much stuff going on in my personal life with finances and such. I look back at 2011 and just sigh. Out of all the years since 2000 began, 2011 was the most hell-filled year. Just to save time, I am going to cut and paste. I am not out to intentionally shock people who may decide to read my blog,but this is what my year looked like for 2012:
 (I have not changed a thing of it-you will read it exactly as I typed it--it my state of beginning depression)
 

Well my year, 2011, in a nutshell……

• January, 2011-my cousin’s husband was in a motorcycle accident and fell 750 feet to his death
• My friend from HS Cindy-her Mom died February 17 after being ill for quiet awhile
• Childhood friend’s mom has been chronically ill and was placed in a facility so she could be cared for sometime before March, 2011.
• Her friend’s mom had a boyfriend who came to see her mom. When he left, he fell and hit his head on the concrete. He died a few days later. I think in March, 2011
• My friend’s mom’s only daughter was married----beautiful. That was March 20 th.
• Later my friend’s mom died. I could not get ANYONE to work for me. I heard along the grapevine that I should have called off sick. I should have.
• May, 2011. I was renewing my PALS and CPR card. At the end I got a text from my brother telling me that his oldest daughter )my niece Angelina) was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor and did I know what that was.
• Later my Mom tells me that brother called her crying because his daughter has cancer (same niece)
• My niece Angelina had her kidney removed and part of her liver. I later hear from my Mom that my brother called and says that the stupid Pediatric Oncologist tells my brother that he needs to fork over $20,000 or treatment will be discontinued. Great. Really great. So, they removed the affected organs and then due to lack of funding on the part of my brother, they will stop treatment.

I am getting really angry.

I have had enough.

• My cousin Melissa had surgery for nasal polyps. She is in pain for 10 days thinking that it is from surgery (I am guessing). She was taken into Kaiser where she was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. I can’t remember what month it was but I do know it was this year. 2011.

Melissa recovers and is scared to death as is her husband and sons (co-incidently her youngest, Jordan is still in treatment for T-cell leukemia). She made the decision to go back and have another brain surgery after the “coil that was holding the aneurysm behind her right eye came undone. The neurosurgeon said it was 3 cm.” The aneurysm now has a clip at each end to hold it into place.

• We have begun the process of bankruptcy. Husband has been in his line of work and it is actually picking up. God has heard  my prayer for favor on his job.
• I have been going to school part time since Fall, 2006.
• Is it a wonder why I am so, uptight, freaked out and depressed? Ummmm….no. But I will get help for myself. I am a nurse and not just any nurse. I am on my way to becoming an advanced practice nurse. I just keep things “underwrap” and do my best to look like all is OK. Today is December 4, 2011.  I will take care of me and I will recover. I will not keep stuff buried inside and I will be the nurse that God intended me to be. I am a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. The End.

I know this sounds like near impossible for so much to happen in a year. I wish it didn't happen-but it did and that was the reality of my life. I am grateful for my husband, Phil who is my strength and a great support. My son Chris is 22 and in the Navy and he is doing well. My younger son Daniel is doing well as a Sophomore in high school. My husband's job is not doing as well as it did last year, yet he doesn't give up.

I guess this is why I never blogged. So much happened as you can plainly see. By December, 2012, I had reached my limit. I took a little over a month long LOA from work. I needed some me time.An extended mental health time if you will. It was bad enough that creditors were harassing us at home but hey were also harassing me at work. Freaking constantly.

I  can say with all sincerity of heart that 2012 has been good. A very good year. God has blessed us greatly in so many ways. First off, for the most part, we have pretty good health. My weight is at a perpetual stand still and has plateaued.  My butt is still what I consider large, but then so is J. Lo's and she's a diva. If a diva can have a big, curvy butt and be happy, so can I. My main issue is headaches and neckaches but that is what my good ole chiropractor is for. And a reflexologist. Just not Big Bubba.

My boys are healthy. Phil is healthy and his BP is under control with 3 medications. I am going to get to my proper weight ASAP. in the mean time, I will love, nourish, care hold in high esteem who I am. It's not "all about me" but I still matter. I love my husband, family and friends. I love being a compassionate registered nurse who has clinical excellence in her skills. I love seeing my patients recover and go home. (hey, can I follow you home?:) I love standing in the gap and consoling a worried parent or caregiver. I like telling them that it is all under God's control and timing and that God has it all under control.

I came back to work knowing that Cherie would not be my boss for long. I had her as my boss for 17 years and I am grateful for the time she was my boss. I now have Jonelle as my boss. She is a great boss. She does things by the book and that's OK by me. I look forward to great things happening under her leadership and guidance.

Did I mention that I love Laura Alba? Her friendship and support has been both helpful and appreciated. She finds the good in me and makes me want to scream and shout, "Yes, I can!" *doing the happy dance in honor of Laura*:)

Now, two wonderfully, spectabulous, tremendous, ground-breaking, earth-shattering things have happened this year. Are-you-ready???????

1. On August 17, 2012, we received the "Certificate of Release of Federal Tax Lien" from the IRS. What this means is the lien (that should not have been so hastily applied to our home and property) has been released. Also known as the "IRS Shall Keep Thar Mitts Off Our House And Property." (I wanted to say "thar" like all my Texas friends:) I had to take a loan on my retirement, but it is worth it. Our house is ours!

2. Our mortgage company is willing to do a HARP (Home Affordable Refinance Program) for us. This means we qualify for a decrease in our monthly mortgage payment--of about $450.00/month! What a blessing!

Well, I need to end this for now. I have been online for ages. I need to get some other stuff done.

This blog is all about my life and what I am doing proactively to not just stay alive and exist, but to live life to the fullest and in abundance! Thank God for his faithfulness!


Psalm 57:9

The Message (MSG)

 ^9-10 I'm thanking you, God, out loud in the streets,
      singing your praises in town and country.
   The deeper your love, the higher it goes;
      every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness. 

 

Blessings,

Lisa